NON-TOXIC FEMINIST (NTF) PoV

It is befuddling to hear about avenging the immorality of a partner. I think, it is absolute waste of time and emotions. Why avenge, when you can talk things over and forge ahead depending on the magnitude of offense? Be constructive with the actions you take in your marriages. Consider many variables. A woman is the mother to the children born in that union. How do your actions affect your children? Between two evils, which is a lesser one? I have seen two beautiful lovers destroyed.  Because the prospective groom's father had had an affair with the prospective bride's mother while they were both still married. And the groom's mother was not ready to be in-laws with a woman whom she believed attempted to destroy her home. Sometimes, such instances may not be as close as this. There are better options than compromising your integrity. Cheat-back... Then, you are no better. If you don't cheat back, you may want to leave with your peace of mind intact. If you decide to ch...

 Is it the ability to find a willing partner who is ready to do life with the woman, that we call achievement? Or the ability to make lemonade of all the lemons the circumstances of marriage throw at the couple? Or the steadfastness in loving and cherishing through thick and thin? Or the abundance of the dividends of marriage? Or the physical charm, status, and material worth of the partner? Or the length of time spent together in the marriage? Which of the above determines the achievement status? If we say marriage is not an achievement, how do we describe the glory and joy associated with the sacrifice put into marriage? If we say marriage is not an achievement, why go into it in the first place? If we say marriage is not an achievement, what is the value of the products? On the other hand ... If we say marriage is an achievement, does it mean that divorced couples lost the achievement? If we say marriage is an achievement, why does it cause pain? If we say marriage is an achieve...

The recent fad during discourses about infidelity between married and unmarried partners, is the 'Cheat Back' syndrome. A single or married woman believes cheating on her partner is an easier way to pay back for the man's misdemeanor. Women have been cheating on their spouses from Adam.  This isn't new. And they were not killed for cheating. Even in the Bible days, Jesus cut them some slack. The difference between the mentality of the women then and the ones now, is that the women then were smarter. They cheat and move. They are purposeful about their decision. The women were not given to gross irresponsibility. Today, women want to stay married to the man they find boring while sleeping around. Is this graceful? Worse still, is the common belief about the consequences of cheating for women. It is ridiculous to find that some African traditions still claim that a married woman who cheats on her husband will be recompensed with death or delusion. Fallacy. What these wive...

Ekwefi was still married to Anene when she decided to become Okonkwo's wife.  Achebe's book did not present details of abuse or maltreatment in the marriage contracted between Anene and Ekwefi.  She was simply bored and needed to go over to a successful groom. On her way to the stream one day, Ekwefi decided to pay Okonkwo, a married man, a visit.  The rest is history, they say. She did not inform Anene she was going to visit Okonkwo. She did not tell Anene she was moving on with Okonkwo. Ekwefi simply walked on with the man after her heart, without any consideration that Anene was still committed to their union. There was no record of dissenting opinions regarding Ekwefi's act in Umuofia - it was a regular occurrence, most likely.  Life quietly went on.  Anene was refunded some money with which he would take another wife. Today, men are expected to inform their wives before re-evaluating their marriages. Meanwhile ... Women who initiated divorces or breakups ne...

Facebook restrictions make it difficult for social media users to express cogent opinions as they ought to be.  I therefore, have decided to return to blogging. The liberty to write words as they should be written, cannot be overemphasized.  So here ... Let me quickly say that ... This is specifically, an Igbo analogy ... Because the Igbo ethnic group is a significantly cultural one, and represents the African traditional society.  Continuing our discussion yesterday on the action of Ekwefi, Okonkwo's second wife, we should be gearing up for profound conversations around these five salient issues towards putting sensibilities to rest: 1. Is a wife a stranger in her husband's family? 2. Does the man need his wife's permission to take a second wife, or re-evaluate the love relationship with his wife? 3. Was there ever a time that wives were stopped from cheating? 4. Is Marriage really an achievement, and if yes, within what premises is this so? 5. What equality are women re...

In Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, a young beautiful woman, Ekwefi stood up one night and walked into Okonkwo's arms, abandoning her HUSBAND to become Okonkwo's second wife. No quarrels, no negotiation, no permissions taken.  Okonkwo promptly refunded the booted husband with some cash to marry another woman. Nobody is saying anything.  Even the feminists attacking that novel, and accusing Achebe of being patriarchal in his book are doing eyes-right to that Ekwefi's epic breakfast. But Nigerian women are on social media trolling men who still kept the first wife, despite the men's new choices.  Apparently, it is only good when the woman is the one doing the dumping.😃 See ehn, very soon una go begin rate all these men wey una dey fight. The street is hot. Very hot. Ifedimma Onwugbufor is an author, trained teacher, screenwriter, ghostwriter, and technical communicator