Facebook restrictions make it difficult for social media users to express cogent opinions as they ought to be.
I therefore, have decided to return to blogging. The liberty to write words as they should be written, cannot be overemphasized.
So here ...
Let me quickly say that ...
This is specifically, an Igbo analogy ...
Because the Igbo ethnic group is a significantly cultural one, and represents the African traditional society.
Continuing our discussion yesterday
on the action of Ekwefi, Okonkwo's second wife, we should be gearing up for profound conversations around these five salient issues towards putting sensibilities to rest:
1. Is a wife a stranger in her husband's family?
2. Does the man need his wife's permission to take a second wife, or re-evaluate the love relationship with his wife?
3. Was there ever a time that wives were stopped from cheating?
4. Is Marriage really an achievement, and if yes, within what premises is this so?
5. What equality are women really asking for?
...
I will take each of these issues one after the other, in every separate post, because I do not intend to have very long posts each time.
First, if a wife, in the African traditional society, has the absolute liberty to leave her husband, sometimes unceremoniously, does that indicate a consanguineous link?
I mean, divorce happens everyday and over 70 percent of the cases is initiated by women.
Now, the valid question is:
Why would a wife want to leave her family, and her two-has-become-one?
Many people grew up and still grow up with very abusive parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents, but no one has ever disowned any of these abusive relatives.
Why do women divorce their husbands? The answer is simple. Because they want to leave. Only strangers walk away.
No matter how emotional we get about this fact of life, it is what it is.
The dictionary meaning of the word 'stranger' is not offensive, yet wives feel offended when this is said.
This post is not authenticating domestic violence, or playing down on divorce; but yes, nobody has ever left or LEGALLY denounced or disowned a violent/abusive parent or sibling.
Every case of 'Hide my identity ' by a woman never talks about her jobless brother, mother, sister or father who doesn't want to work but feeds on her sweat, and what to do.
It is always about a husband who has no job; an 'infidel'.
You don't treat your spouse like a stranger and expect to be treated differently or better.
No woman ever trolls her relative for not taking care of them, but women always troll their husbands who are met with misfortune or ill-health.
Only a stranger does that.
Many wives take issues relating to their husbands' families personally, but readily forgive or overlook their families' inadequacies.
Wives are reluctant to give care to their parents in-law but readily bring over their own parent when need be. If she were not a stranger, why the hesitation to have her aged 'parent-in-law' in-house?
I have read on social media, where a wife slapped by her husband's mother, slapped back and over 80 percent of the women supported her retaliation.
Now, what does this portend?
Are we saying it is right for a mother-in-law to slap her son's wife?
No.
If her husband's mother were her own biological mother, would she have slapped back?
Your answer is as good as mine.
In essence, the wife in the African traditional society becomes a member of her husband's family by merit. It is not inherited by the fact of a certificate and wedding band.
Love is reciprocal.
In fact, she continues to bear her father's name even after marriage.
A wife is mostly 'loaned' to her husband by her family, not sold.
(To be continued...)
Ifedimma Onwugbufor is an author, trained teacher, screenwriter, ghostwriter, and technical communicator.
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